Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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