she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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