Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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