guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
