:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
