Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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