My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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