frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
