i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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