She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
