IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
