Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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