69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
