If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
be right there i have to get my cape
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
