he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I want her autograph on my taint
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
