Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
