I wanna bring you to show and tell
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
