I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
