were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
