help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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