ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
