what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
