you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
These tits shall not be calmed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
