i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
