we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
