I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
