She is in my trunk
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
