i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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