I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
