We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
