i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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