I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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