We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
