Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
