no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
