I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
