I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
