K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
