You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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