You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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