she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
