well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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