I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
this hospital has no fireball
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
