apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
