Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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