Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
