It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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