I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
And then he peed in my hair
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
