Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
