Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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