you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
