He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
