So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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