At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
